As I sat in my house on Friday, alone but for the dog, I began to think about the time when Keilee is no longer here 24/7. In a few years, this will be my life, life without her talking all the time and dancing and singing and asking questions and laughing and scattering projects and yarn and pieces of her wherever she goes.
I try to tell myself that she is barely 13 and I have many years but then I remember how quickly time passes.
She came home from the Animal Clinic full of stories, and kept remembering more and more as the days went by. And I thought to myself how eternally grateful I am; grateful that I have had the opportunity to home educate her. That I didn’t have to hear about things hours after they happened or not at all if she chose not to tell me. That all those firsts were with me. That I didn’t miss one.single.thing.
Homeschooling is not always sunshine and bonding and happy. Some days I want to scream [and occasionally do], some days we get so frustrated with each other; this child growing into a young woman and I; some days I threaten the dreaded words “Public School” and I know she knows I would never. Some days I worry myself sick over this Interest Led/unschooling way we have adopted. The “What Ifs” consume me.
But…
Most days I am 100% sure that this is OUR perfect life. These days, mostly calm and stress free, that ebb and flow. There are few alarm clocks and deadlines and rushing. There is learning, always learning. We do not learn 100 new things each day, but we do learn every day. It may not look like the school down the road but that was never my intention. I never ever wanted to recreate school. There are no schedules and 1 hour blocks for Science or Math. There are no lines or lockers or mean kids or teachers who simply do not care anymore. Our days have laughter and wonder and discovery and knowledge and amazement and moving and flitting to one thing and another.
Her interests, her passions, the things that consume her. Animals for 4 hours? Why not? A day of history documentaries? Well of course you can. Playing on Webkinz or Eden or the iPad for 4 hours? Be my guest. Read all day? Yes please.
Time is so fleeting, it passes in an instant. I pray to cherish each one, to live in ‘this’ moment, to say “Yes” as often as I can, to walk away from the computer to play a game, or dance in the kitchen or snuggle on the couch.
This poem I wrote on April 27, 2009. We were in our 2nd year of homeschooling. Almost 4 years later I still feel exactly the same way.
I COULD
I could send her to school,
And from 8:00-3:00 have no clue
How many times she laughed,
How many times she learned,
How many times she questioned,
How many times she understood,
How many times she wanted more information,
How many times she bounced in her chair from excitement,
How many times she was proud of something she did.
I could send her to school and she could get her exercise and sunshine,
In 20 minute doses, if she had on the right shoes, and no one misbehaved and everyone was quiet.
I could send her to school
And let her eat the processed high fat, low nutrition fare they feed millions of children a day,
if she had enough time to eat and didn’t talk too loud and if no one grabbed her food.
Or..
I could homeschool her.
Yes indeed, Homeschooling DOES rock,
Karen
“You can teach a student a lesson for a day; but if you can teach him to learn by creating curiosity, he will continue the learning process as long as he lives.” ~ Clay P. Bedford
“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.” ~ Buddha
I’ve been having these same thoughts lately. She will be outta here in a few years. I need to use them wisely!
Beautiful, Karen!
Can you feel my hug through the computer? Thanks for this, Karen! Keilee is so blessed to have you, and vice versa. I learn a lot from you — about being joyful, grateful, and counting my blessings.
It is amazing how quickly the time goes. My older two are 18 and 20 and both in tertiary studies, yet it just seems like yesterday that the then nearly 3 year old was demanding help to write his name (perfectly of course) while his baby sister was wailing because she wanted to be held on her feet so she could step wherever it was she wanted to go. Whenever I’m having a doubting day with the younger two I remind myself that so long as they have good character and a love of learning, along with some basic skills, they’ll be fine in whatever paths they venture down in their adult lives.
LOVE this post, Karen! I can identify with all of it, and your poem makes me teary every time I read it. Hugs to you my friend!
I remember that original post too. I am so grateful that I have been along for this homeschooling journey with you. I understand your feelings perfectly because just like you, I dropped Grace off for 5 hours yesterday and I get very little details about what happened. Just like when she was in public school, I have to pull out the questions, like tell me something that was funny and did anything happen that made you excited? Otherwise I get very few details when I want them ALL!
I can’t wait to see what Kei gets involved with over the next few years, if it will be animals or acting, both, or something new entirely. I love reading your posts Karen. Thanks for sharing them.
I remember when I first read that poem and it made me cry and it made me cry again.
I love this post. Time does move fast. I feel the same way. I love seeing them grow and learn and they are indeed accepting responsibility, but oh it’s hard to let go sometimes!
I adore this post, Karen. I know those days where you worryóI have those too, but they move on, don’t they, in the face of all the Lovely that happens so naturally. I loved the list of things Kei might explore in a day, especially the last part: “Read all day? Yes please.” Beautiful.
As I write this, my boy is lying on the couch reading a science magazine, telling us bits from it. My girl is writing her novel, as she does every day! I am writing mine. Birds are singing outside and the cat keeps jumping on the table. Our days sound like yours but not exactly the same, because our kids are their own, passionate, curious, free individuals. Aren’t they lucky? Isn’t this a magical time in our lives?
Thank you for this post, for the beautiful poem, for the feeling here. Makes me want to reach through the internet, and over the sea, and hug you both.
Oh, man, have I ever been thinking about that time coming when Davan moves out or even just spends her days away from home. I, for sure, thought I’d get some more years, but here I am with her gone for 5 weeks and the possibility of an exchange year next year and it is all upon me too soon. I’m thankful for the time we’ve had together and am so very pleased that she feels confident enough to put herself out there in the world, but I am and will be missing her.
I so understand how you feel! I love, love, love your poem.
Homeschooling does rock! I love the poem.
Great post. Isn’t it crazy how a lot of us are researching the same things and thinking the same as well. I just purchased the ebook a few days ago too. Love the poem. I soooooo feel the same way. When we started homeschooling Grace it was for different reasons but as each year goes by I see how much I would have missed out on. How we might not have the close relationship that we do. Also how she might not have the passions with that she has now with drama and drawing. Lots to be thankful for.
Blessings
Diane