Scientist in the making…

KB loves, didImention, LOVES, science.

We are always doing some sort of experiment here.

Did you know, that if you immerse a raw egg into vinegar and leave it for a few days, the shell disappears. It is just sitting there with nothing but the membrane holding it. You can see the yolk inside. After KB showed it to everyone in the neighborhood, she pricked it and it cracked just like a…well a raw egg!

Today she is experimenting with Newton’s laws. She is dropping balloons off the balcony. She is filling up balloons with 2 liter bottles. She is milking a cow with an old glove [Yeah well…we are city girls!] We just put a raw egg into a balloon and filled it with water. She wants to drop it off the balcony to see if it will break. LATE BREAKING UPDATE- It broke! She said it wouldn’t have if she could have made sure the egg was surrounded on all sides by the water!

She is making all these connections….membrane holding the yolk in, fluid protecting our brains, fluid keeping a baby safe. I tell ya…the kids’ gonna be an Einstein!



Laughter and Tears…

Yesterday KB and I went on a picnic. We do that a lot. We went to Publix and got a few cheeses and some bread and went over to the Park by the river.

We were talking about things and I realized that I don’t really like living here anymore. I don’t know if that is a normal reaction since Momma died. I am sure that is most of it.

KB and I have decided we want to live in Mayberry! And yes she knows Mayberry, she knows ALL 60’s 70’s and 80’s TV. And 80’s songs. I dread the day when she realizes I am not as cool as she thinks I am and the things I know aren’t everything in the world!!

When we left the park we went by the cemetery, which I haven’t been to until yesterday. It was very hard. I sat there, on the ground beside this hard, red mound and cried my eyes out. I almost couldn’t bear the thoughts of my mom down there, even though I know she isn’t there. I had a crazed moment that I just wanted to claw at the dirt and get to her. KB is so good, she hugged me and told me Baba was in heaven and look how pretty it was here [she is under a tree] and that Baba would have loved it here, because she hated to be hot. Then KB got a piece of paper and wrote JEAN/BABA on it and stuck it, with a stick, on her grave with an old faded silk flower.

I feel so strange about Momma, on one hand I always thought I would be on the ground kicking and screaming and I am not doing that. But on the other hand, I feel like nothing will ever be quite right again. Like no matter how happy I am, there is an underlying sense of sadness.

All in all though, it was a good day. When we got home KB got in the pool and had to show me her Water Ballet/Karate Routine. I love this child!


KB and I went with some of our best friends to Smith Lake Park to swim.

And swim they did.

I, like the good mother I am, slathered sunscreen all over KB, but unfortunately not so much for myself.

Ouch! I don’t remember ever being sunburned so badly, but KB had a blast!

KB & Cade @ Smith LakeGoggle GirlReady, Set, JUMP!

30 Days Later…

One month,
the amount of time for the moon to cycle,
30 days,
One month today my mother has been gone.

It seems like so much longer,
it seems like only yesterday.
I am doing fine,
I am falling to pieces.

It still doesn’t seem real.
Or real in a surreal sort of way.
Grief is so strange.
It isn’t at all like I thought it would be.

Most of the time I am fine
Then, like a train hitting my body,
I am breathless,
With a voice in my head screaming, “I will never talk to my mother again!”.

She has always answered my questions,
“How do I cook fresh green beans?”
“KB has a strange red rash”
“How do I remove grass stains?”

Now I have no mother.
I am motherless.
How can that be?
She has always been my one constant in an unconstant world.

One month today.
I miss you so much Momma.

Beautiful Days…

Have I mentioned how much I love homeschooling?
I still donít know exactly what and how I want to do it.
But I do know I adore this way of teaching my child.

Tuesday we went to Turkey Creek Nature Preserve.
It was incredibly beautiful and fun was had by all.
One thing I love about HSing is this:
KB was in public school for 2 years and I was homeroom mom.
I went on every field trip and watched all the little 6 year olds interact with each other.
All they ever got was another 6 year old’s point of view.

Tuesday I watched KB sit and talk to a 13 year old
and help a 5 year old down the rock slide.
She sat and talked to a mom and played with kids from ages 3-15.
She interacted with all ages, WOW! Just like real life.

We have done the most incredible things this year with our homeschool group.
If I had one piece of advice for families new to HomeSchooling
it would be to find a local support group.
I have met fabulous people who I know will be my friends for life.

Let’s Pretend…

KB had spend the night company the other night.

In the course of not quite 24 hours, KB and C built a fort out of chairs, an old tent and a tarp; put on a play about Pocahontas and a little Pilgrim girl; played ëtowní with Little Petz; swam at night, worked on a newspaper; put on a play based on Aesopís Fables titled ìThe Tiger and the Beeî; swam some more; made a dance routine in the pool; did a web show with books and stuffed rabbits, had a tea party complete with made up names and British accents; and played with KBís assortment of stuffed animals.

I love watching kids play. I donít remember being so unbelievably original in my play time. Maybe I was just a boring kid! I never heard a break in conversation. I never heard a disagreement. All I heard was this amazing back and forth sharing of ideas. It was magic.

KB is the type of child who can play with a bean for hours. She has always been like that. I have never, once, heard her say, ìI am bored.î

This past year I have had the opportunity to be around so many children ëat playí. Playing is what they excel at. Their imaginations abound. When did adults lose that? How wonderful it would be, if every now and then, we could wake up and pretend to be a knight on a quest to save our lands?

So, at least one time this week, pretend with your child.


I miss my mother so much.

It isn’t a “lay on the floor and sob and never get up” kind of missing.

Although I have done that. It is just an ache…that is always with me.

People always say, “I almost picked up the phone and called her” when someone they love dies. It isn’t that with me, it is just an immediate thought that pops in my head, “I have to tell Mother that”

I was making potato salad the other day for the first time in forever. I couldn’t remember exactly how to make it and thought, “I have to call and ask Mom” and I just cried. I can never call and ask her anything again.

No matter how much I know she is better now, she is free and in no pain, I miss her. I want one more perfect day.

I wish I had appreciated more perfect days. I am trying to do that now…

We all should…always….

27 Years Later

We saw the Indiana Jones movie a couple of nights ago. KB loved it! She is so like me, she spends the entire film trying to predict what will happen.

Yes Indie is older, but he still kicks butt! Karen Allen is older, but still beautiful and full of that funky spirit I always loved.

We went to the new movie theater in our area. It was beautiful.

Afterwards we strolled down sidewalks and looked into stores that we could never afford to buy anything in.

It is definitely worth the drive if only to walk around.


Reason #101

Warm spring breezes, Sun beating down.
We travel in a caravan, down winding roads through the countryside.

We pass a school; poor children, trapped inside with their rules and bathroom passes, and cookie cutter education.

We arrive.
It is a beautiful day.
Moms sitting on blankets. No one asks each other, “How did your child do on that spelling test last Friday”? There is laughter and caring and love. A group of women who want the best possible education for their children.

Kids everywhere, splashing in the water, riding boats down the current, finding geodes and creepy crawlies and fish and crawdads.
Squeals of delight coming from all directions. One loses a shoe, one a boat, someone sees a snake. When they are tired they come to throw their cold bodies over mommy, when they are hungry they eat.

After lunch costumes are donned and all a sudden, princesses and knights and magicians and ninjas are everywhere. There is even a chicken and a horse! Imaginations abound and worlds are created. Is there anything more wonderful than children in costumes under a grove of trees?

We reluctantly load tired kids and gear into the car.
Did we turn left here or right?
I don’t remember seeing that silo? Did you see those goats before?
Finally arriving home.
What a magical day.
This is why I homeschool my child.

My Sweet Mother

My mother died Saturday May 10th. She was surrounded by the people she loved best. I wrote these in the final days of her life.


My mother is dying.

She lies in a hospital bed in the bedroom she has filled with antique glassware, old jewelry, pictures, her favorite things that she has collected for at least 40 years.

The doctor gives her 6 months.I donít think she will survive 2.How do I prepare for this?

How do I give up the person who; for more years than I care to admit; has taken care of me, kissed my boo-boos, snuck me her credit card to go buy clothes, made me love thunderstorms by dancing around during them, [I found out later she was terrified of them but never wanted me to be], fed me, clothed me, changed the color of my bedroom once a year, drove me crazy at times, called to tell me it was raining outside, woke me up every morning of my at-home life singing to me, called to tell me it was hot and I needed sunscreen, slipped me money, nursed the broken heart of first love, has been my champion, my biggest fan, my hero, my friend, my mother..

My mother has always loved her family.She spent her life taking care of us.She spent her life worrying about us.She spent her life teaching us.She spent her life loving us.If this was one of us, she would be fighting for us.I want to fight for her, but I don’t know how.Now she lays shriveled in a hospital bed not even knowing exactly where she is most of the time.

I try to keep some normalcy in our lives, especially in Keis. But I cry often. I cry almost every night around 7:00 which is the time my mom would call me to say, “Goodnight sweetheart” I crave those words that I will never hear again from her. I cry for the grandmother that Keilee never got to know, I cry for the pain she is in, I cry for all the times I got frustrated at her, I cry for the guilt I feel for not making her go to the doctor earlier and I pray. I pray for strength, I pray for peace, I pray for mercy, I pray for miracles..

How will I survive waking up at 3:00 am and knowing she isn’t here? I am not ready to live in a world where my mother isn’t…





5.8.08 11:00 PM

Waiting for you to die…

With every breath you take I wonder, is this the last?

A bedside vigil…

Holding your hand…

Rubbing your beautiful face…

Laughing with my brother over a memory…

Sobbing quietly in the pillow…

What a strange time…

Watching the person who gave me life…

Slowly leaving this world.

I am strong, I can do this. I am filled with peace. I am calm.

Wait! No, don’t leave me! Please don’t make me live in a world without you, I can’t survive this!

At night I dream that the phone is ringing and it is my daddy telling me you’re gone. I jerk awake and listen to the silence.

I want you to die peacefully, I imagine you taking a long, slow breath; a smile coming across your face and that’s the end.

I don’t want this ragged, gasping for air. I can’t bear it. I can’t just sit and watch you struggle. How do people do this?

My daddy is falling to pieces; he can’t handle the pain of sitting with you.He retreats to the den.I crawl up next to you, not in the big antique bed that you have always slept in, but in a small hospital bed.I talk to you.I tell you I love you.I tell you thank you for being my mother.I tell you I will be all right.Of all the things I say, I know this is what you need to hear, because you have taken care of me all of my life.You would hold on forever if you think I need you.

Go sweet mother, go and run and dance with the angels. Laugh and twirl like you did with me so many times. Be at peace. We will be together again. I love you so very much.

Your daughter.

Jesus, a Mother, a Daughter and a Dog….