I have a small case of claustrophobia.† It isn’t so much the ‘size’ of a place but the fact that I can’t get out of it quickly enough.† My Mother had claustrophobia big time.† She was in nursing college and got stuck in an elevator for 6 hours in the middle of the night.† My entire life I knew this about her.† She would not ride elevators unless she absolutely had to.† She would make me prop the† bathroom door opened when we had to stop at a gas station on a trip.†

The first time I was ever made aware that I too have this is when I was about 25.† I was married at the time and we went to Ruby Falls in Chattanooga.† We paid the money and rode down the elevator.† The ceiling was about 6″ above my head.† All of a sudden I got very shaky.† I asked the guide how long the tour was and he said about 2 hours.† To my way of thinking that was 1 hour in and 1 hour out.† So I would be, at the most, an hour from air.† I couldn’t do it.† We had my niece with us and they went ahead and took the tour while I rode the elevator back up.† The lady told me it happened several times a day.† I remember laying in bed that night and getting so upset.† Would I never be able to fly?† Ride a subway?† Take a cruise?† I fly fine.† The first time I was a little scared but it wasn’t a big deal.† My first flight was a 6 hour flight!† I have ridden a subway, no big.† Never taken a cruise but I don’t think it would really bother me.

Fast forward to yesterday.† My sister in law and niece and nephew are at the beach.† My brother wanted to take Kei and I somewhere.† He wanted to take us to Cathedral Caverns.† He assured me it was a huge cave, although it isn’t really the size that freaks me out.† Kei was so excited so I said sure.† The closer we got the the place the more nervous I was.†† I used to be very ‘to myself’ about my claustrophobia, now I tell anyone who will listen.† I have found that when you share something, it helps tremendously.† I told the guide that I was a little claustrophobic.† I explained to her that I wanted her to understand if I started screaming and running. :)† We paid and started the tour.† I was fine, a little nervous, but fine.† The further we got from the entrance the more I was actually ok.† But it was there, it the back of my mind like these things seem to do.† Then, about 20 minutes in, the power went out.† Dark as..well dark as a cave!† The guide had a flashlight and one little boy was wearing a miner’s hat but neither provided much light.† I pulled out my iPhone and used my flashlight app but I kept accidentally shining it in people’s eyes!† Then a guy pulled up on a golf cart and said there was a horrible thunderstorm and the power was out!† I mean really!!! What were the odds?† She asked if anyone wanted to go back as she looked at me.† I decided I did want to go.† I just wasn’t happy about another 1 1/2 hours in the dark!† Eddie said he would take Kei, so I handed him my camera and jumped in.† The guy was really nice and said that caves freaked a lot of people out.† I was dissappointed for Kei.† Her first cave and I missed 80% of it.

I sat up on the porch and talked to a lovely lady from Florida.† She and her 3 kids were there to go to Space Camp and they decided to stop by the Caverns for awhile.† They canceled all tours until the lights came back on.† An 1 1/2 later Eddie and Kei were about to leave the tour the lights came back on.† So Eddie went back in with Kei to take more pictures.† He said that it was no where near as cool with no lights.

When they came out Kei was very excited but she said, “It would have† been more fun with you but I understand Mom”† Argh..† The thing is, if my claustrophobia is a direct result of my Mom, then am I doing the same thing to Kei?† Although that is the first time anything has ever happened that prevented me from doing anything.† I close and lock the bathroom door with no problems and we love riding elevators.† I just feel like I let her down somehow.

Homeschooling Rocks!

Karen

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
~Frank Herbert, Dune – Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear