Hi Momma,
It is October, your favorite month. The trees are just now beginning to turn. I think we should have a spectacular fall because of all the rain. You would love it. When I walk outside and I feel that crisp fall feeling in the air, I always think of you.
It has been almost 1 1/2 since you left me. I miss you so much still. Kei and I cleaned out your closets and drawers last week. I ran across so many memories. It was a hard day for me. I talked to you while I worked, did you hear me?
I had a yard sale with all your clothes this past week. You had so many blouses. I remember buying so many of them. It was sad seeing all your shirts blowing in the breeze, some of them still smelling like your perfume, but Kei and I prayed that they would go to people who love them as much as you did.
Things are still hard with me financially. I am doing a little better but still it is hard at times. Continue to watch over us please. Sometimes I can almost feel your arms around me and it gives me comfort.
Daddy has met someone. She is a kind, good woman. The biggest compliment I can give her is that you would like her. She collects elephants just like you did and loves antiquing and estate sales. It was hard for me at first but I remember all the times you told me that you didn’t want Daddy to be alone when you were gone. She is good to Daddy and takes care of him and she is good to us. Kei wasn’t very happy about it but they invited her to dinner and she feels much better. She has started including her in her prayers instead of just for “Bull”. Daddy is taking care of me, just like you always told him to. Daddy and I have become much closer since you are gone. He is calmer and less easily angered also.
Kei and I are maybe going to move into your house. I think you would like that. I hope that I can remember more stories about when I was little to share with Kei. I share stories with her all the time. She reminds me of you in many ways, her sense of humor and her favorite foods. We moved into that house when I was 9 so it feels very right that we move there when Kei is 9. It is a big job though, because you know how much stuff you have! It seems like it will never be cleaned out.
Kei has gotten so big Momma. She is so smart and sweet. We are loving homeschooling this year. She is learning so much. My biggest regret is that you and she didn’t get to spend more time together. I talk about you all the time. I don’t want her to ever forget you.
I made chicken stew the other day. It is the first time I have made it since I made it for you. It made me so sad.
Oh Momma, I miss you. I miss your hugs and talking to you and your presence . I miss not having you here. I miss not seeing you. But I am doing really well. You were always so worried about how I would be when you were gone. You would be proud of me. I am proud of me but there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss you.
I wish you didn’t have to leave us so early but I know you are in a glorious place. One day, we will be together again. I will hug you and jump up and down with joy and dance and laugh.
I am now a daughter without a mother, but I am finding out I am much stronger than I ever believed I was. You knew it all along didn’t you?
I love you my sweet Mother.
Karen
